Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Living in Uncertainty

I am living in uncertainty. Living in the in between, once again. I am learning to find God in the midst of uncertainty, which is somewhat odd. In the churches I grew up in, we were told to be certain. Certain about the existence of God, certain that Scripture--word for word--is to be taken literally. Certain about what is a sin and what is holy. And so the picture I painted of a good Christian was one who lived in certainty. Any doubt showed weakness, any uncertainty showed a lack of faith.

But here I am, once again, in the midst of uncertainty. This is a place I am getting to know better as I get to know God and myself better. Seminary solidified my relationship with uncertainty. Here I go throwing myself at the mercy of God. Where you lead me I will go! But God is not one who gives us the full picture all at once. God is not one who gives us the answers and reasons all at once. And as I study Scripture, I seem to come up with more questions than answers.

I am living in uncertainty. It use to throw me into anxiety. But now it throws me into the arms of God. Perhaps this is where I need to be, simply trusting God, not the certainty of my situation. I am living in uncertainty and, you know, it is ok.

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