Weeds in the Garden

I would love to start this  with the phrase "my gardens are growing...." but I really cannot begin that way. To be brutally honest, I must say the places where there were gardens in my yard are chaotic tangles of flora and fauna. Bushes, flowers, weeds, saplings all compete for a place in the sun. And its a mess. There is nothing inviting about my yard. Outside my front door, I have a visual picture of Matthew 13:24-30--the parable of the wheat and the weeds. The wheat is planted by the Master's workers and then the enemy plants weeds. And the Master tells the workers to allow them to grow up together.  This, Jesus said, is what the Kingdom of God is like. Well, my garden is messy because the desired plants are growing up alongside the weeds and thorns. And so, does that mean, God's Kingdom, until Christ returns, is a messy place?
How does that affect what I expect from church? Perhaps grace is the only acceptable response. But I'm not sure how to respond with grace. We all have our pet peeves about church and about Christians.Those things, those sins, those hypocrisies which press our buttons and try our patience.  How do we show grace to each other and the world even in the areas that try our patience?

Salvation salvo

On another blog I follow, Jesusneedsnewpr, http://www.jesusneedsnewpr.net/forgiveness-jesus-osama-bin-laden/, a picture of Osama Bin Laden in the arms of Christ was posted. Some people have stated that we don't know if Bin Laden repented on his death bed and therefore, received forgiveness or not.  I have joined the discussion in a nit-picky manner. One person stated that the picture of Christ holding Bin Laden is a great picture of what Christ is willing to do IF we repent and believe.

So here is my question: does Christ's willingness to forgive depend on our repentance and belief? Does Christ only offer forgiveness when we repent and believe? Or does Christ offer continually to forgive, and we do not receive the forgiveness until we repent and believe?

I know this is semantics. But it colors my view of God. If God does not offer forgiveness unless someone repents and believes the correct way, does God truly love and forgive unconditionally? What if I don't believe correctly or repent of a sin?  If we must believe and repent for God to forgive, is this works based salvation? And when we get to Romans where Paul states "mercy leads to repentance," if God does not offer forgiveness first, how can we repent? So if Christ's offer of forgiveness depends on our repentance, then I see Christ as this judge who waits to make sure I get it right and then extends grace. But if Christ is offering forgiveness first, Christ is no longer that judge but a person coming out into the streets inviting us to a banquet. Belief is my entering the banquet hall and feasting on forgiveness.

God so loved the world he gave his only son so that whosoever believes should not perish but receive eternal life.  Is the whosoever believes qualifying God's love or qualifying the reception of eternal life?

Incomplete without a man?

Ironically, after I posted my thoughts on how I can pastor as a woman, a family friend sent me the message, "you need to get married so you will have a spiritual covering, a spiritual head to do ministry."
This isn't the first time I have been told this. Back when I was in college, I volunteered to work with the youth as the church waited for a new youth pastor. The pastor told me I couldn't work with the youth because I didn't have a husband, a spiritual covering. At that point, I was feeling called to ministry but had not shared it openly with a lot of people. Why would I share God's call on my life when I received statements like this? And so, I must be wrong. God obviously wasn't calling me because I was a single woman. I must be hearing God wrong. And so started my 10 years in the wilderness. Questioning myself, questioning God, I drifted aimlessly. I must not be able to hear God correctly. But what kind of God calls someone to do ministry but doesn't send what is needed to accomplish this task? To add to my confusion, at the same time I felt God was calling me to ministry, I felt God was calling me to a long period of being single. How conflicted can one person get?!
Thankfully, God had my path begin to cross the paths of some very godly women pastors. God's grace exploded across my imagination and soul. Suddenly I was not incomplete without a man. Suddenly, I was not a third class citizen---behind men and behind Balaam's Donkey. If God could use a donkey, he surely can use someone who desires to serve him? I was drenched in God's grace and freed to joyful obedience.
And so, when the words were spoken once more that I need a husband to be complete and covered so I may minister, I wasn't hurt or sent into a spiral of doubt. I smiled and let it go. I claimed the God who promised to be the father to the fatherless and husband to the husband-less would be enough for me. And I am thankful. Thankful God has brought me out of the pain, out of the oppression, out of the feeling of inadequacy due to my gender. Thankful for the freedom and hope and grace I have found.

How can I pastor?

My call into ministry began as a child. I sat in the pews and heard/felt/sensed a small inaudible voice say, "you are not meant to be in the pews forever, you are called to the pulpit/altar." And all my life, I have been drawn to the Communion Table and to the pulpit. But I ran into the cultural arguments against women in ministry. There were those who "corrected me" and I believed them when they pulled out Paul's letters and pushed me back into my "proper place." But here I am having been approved for ordination, pastoring two churches, and looking forward to June 11 when Bishop Marcus Matthews lays hands on me and tells me to take the authority given to me to proclaim the Gospel of Christ and lead the church. How do I reconcile my new found freedom? This is not going to be a scripture by scripture account but this is my reasoning.
1. There are women in leadership throughout Scripture. Deborah, Priscilla, Junias..etc. The Proverbs 31 woman was not a "stay at home mom" like we know today. She bought and sold land. At that time, the whole family was "stay at home and all work for the family". Why are the women in leadership in Scripture considered the exceptions to the rule? When I watch my friends who are parents work with their children, the exception to the rule is not freedom but limitation. If one child is doing well in school and the other is doing poorly, the limitation on after school activity, friends over, video games is the exception to the freedom. As they improve, freedom is restored. Paul's letters are to particular churches with particular problems. Perhaps, like a parent, Paul is imposing restrictions because there is a problem in those particular churches.
2. What are we saying about God when we limit who God uses and in what way? God's grace was strong enough to save men from their fallen nature and weaknesses, restoring them to a place where they can fully participate in the work of God. Paul states there is no male or female in Christ. Is this only for salvation? So God's grace is only strong enough to save women but we cannot be fully restored to the partners with men and with God in the work of God? I would argue that in his letters, Paul is not talking about salvation only but living out the Christian life. I believe this is the biggest issue--what does our restriction of who God uses say about the God we serve?
3. I discovered those who told me women cannot be used in pastoral ministry by quoting Scripture were misquoting Scripture. These people who proclaimed to have a high regard for God's Word were not using Scripture honestly. The story of the Fall is one area. Women were deceived and so we cannot be trusted to rightly divide the Word. In Genesis 3, Adam was right there with Eve according to Scripture. He never raises an objection to Eve's taking and eating the fruit nor to his own eating the fruit. He is mysteriously silent. No one ever mentioned Adam's role despite the fact Paul himself talks how sin came through Adam. The other Scripture I found mysteriously changed was the story of Deborah. I was always told Deborah was a prophetess/judge because there was no man who would step up to the job. Because no man would take the position, Deborah is an exception. But that is not how the story goes. She is a judge and all come to her. The exception comes later when the man of God would not lead the people to war without the prophetess going to battle with him. And so the victory will not be given to the man of God but to a woman. the victory is given to Jael who kills the enemy of Israel.
4. There are issues also with the Greek in the Timothy passage which states women cannot teach---the Greek word is never interpreted as teach except in this case. If I recall my Kittle and Dr. Mullholland lecture, it has more to do with making a decision outside of your authority which affects your family--like Eve did in the Garden. That is my summary, I cannot find the word for word lecture of Dr. Mullholland nor do I have the luxury of owning Kittle.

Exhaling and Inhaling

I exhale. I exhale the years of oppression, the years of fear, the years of "no, you can't."
And I inhale once again a sweet fragrance which expands my imagination and frees my spirit. Grace has never smelled sweeter.
Each step of this journey from being a little girl in a cage to ordination has had this lingering aroma of grace. At first it was a small scent which drew me out of my cage. Yesterday it was as if I dove into a field of lilies. And life blooms around me and in me.
God's grace was strong enough not just to save me from sin and from eternity apart from God. God's grace is enough to save me fully to serve God not as a second hand citizen but as a full child. I am not inferior. Nor am I superior.
For so many years I was second class because I was a woman. I was saved by God's grace. But somehow to those who taught me, I could not hear God as well as a man. I could not teach men because I was a woman. God's grace was not strong enough to restore me to equality with men--one created in the image of God, created to be a partner with men in the work of God. And so I had a lesser place.
But this journey to ordination has offered me the opportunity to experience the grace of God in a new way. God chooses whom he will to use and work through.
So I exhale all the years of being told no and all the years of fear and inferiority. I inhale the Grace of God.

The Dance of Life

Ok, I admit it. I love Dancing with the Stars. Now I have not been the most loyal of fans. I liked it when Kelly Osborne was on it but haven't watched much of the show. This season I have been tuning in a lot more frequently. It may sound ridiculous but I feel the show has helped me be a better person. When I heard the list of stars for this season, I wasn't too excited. I find Jersey Shore to be annoying. The Palins are the poster family for American Christianity which has turned me off of them. Not one of the stars who would be performing this season beckoned me to watch and cheer them on. But I tuned in anyways. And I have found myself beckoned to a higher quality of character.
Those who I would possibly criticize or wish against, have found a soft place in my heart. I was pleasantly surprised by Bristol Palin and found myself cheering for her. The Situation, well he has been what I expected. But I am not wishing him off the show. Yes, watching him has been painful. He does lack a bit of grace and musicality. But I find the pain I feel in watching him is not because his lack of talent. I feel pain for him as he learns to dance in front of the American Public.
I cut my teeth on preaching at seminary, nervously in front of my preaching class of 30. It took all I could do to stand in front of THE Dr. J. Elsworth Kalas, one who has authored numerous books on preaching and was the seminary president at the time. Dr. Kalas demanded all who preached in his class to do so without any notes. And so in one semester, I preached three times in front of a group of ragamuffins trying to become preachers and Dr. Kalas. Oh, and the time I was invited to preach in the seminary chapel for the last chapel of the school year, I was incredibly nervous there too. I stood in front of not only Dr. Kalas but the new seminary president, Dr. Tennent. The congregation also included Dr. Richter, Dr. Pohl, Dr. Dongell, Dr. Seamands, the list goes on and on of professors who taught me, who have written books and read the Bible in the original languages. I learned to preach under great pressure. But this pressure is nothing compared to The Situation's, well, situation. My audience was no where in the same ballpark as Dancing with the Stars. But most importantly, my audience was nothing like the American Public. Yes, there were Biblical scholars in my audience. But they were on my side. They wanted me to bring the Word of God clearly with grace and hope. They wanted me to succeed. I am sure there are many who want the Situation to succeed. He is still on the show as of today (tonight's result show may have a different perspective.) But I wonder how many also just want a juicy story on the Situation or on Bristol Palin.
And so, I find myself being a little more gracious. I am not sure I will be sorry when the Situation is voted off the show. I don't expect Bristol to make it too much further either. But I find myself cheering for them because I too have "learned to dance with words" in public.
I wonder....perhaps I need to see life as a dance and all of us like "the amateur stars" learning to dance the Argentine Tango without learning the basic "step, ball, change" in front of the world. Maybe the world would be different or maybe, I would be different.

fall from grace

After hearing about another Christian leader "falling from grace", I found myself thinking about the phrase "to fall from grace." When one falls from grace, one has sinned.In Romans 5:20, it says that as sin increased, God's grace abounded that much more. So I wonder why we use the phrase "to fall from grace" for sin. Shouldn't we find more grace when someone falls into sin?
But that is not the way we work. We request, no, we require the sinner to leave. We do not show them grace but the door. It just seems so much easier for us to punish people for their sin than to stay in community and walk with the person to forgiveness and healing. The community of faith becomes the picture of judgment rather than forgiveness. Peter stayed in community with the disciples after he denied Christ. And as that community struggled together they encountered the Risen Lord. There was grace greater than all their sins.
We fear if we stay in fellowship, we condone the sin. Yet Jesus was able to eat with the sinners without condoning.
Perhaps the phrase "fallen from grace" does not mean one has fallen from God's grace. Perhaps it is just the case they have fallen from our grace. And maybe that is why the church has become impotent. We are living and handing out our own grace instead of God's grace.