Tomorrow I meet with the Board of Ordained ministry to seek approval for ordination. This journey has been long, tiresome, affirming, marvelous, exciting, stressful. I have plunged to the depths of my fears and risen to the heights of hope in Christ.
As I have written my answers, submitted my work, and prepared for tomorrow, I feel naked and exposed. I am opening myself up for critique, evaluation, and hopefully affirmation. I am risking everything, it feels like. I am jumping off the cliff of the known and praying God will catch me. So here I go...................
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
A different peace
John 14:27 "I am leaving you with a gift-- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid.
You promised peace.
I looked for the absence of conflict. I found shallow relationships and pent up emotions.
I looked for live and let live. I found disconnection.
You promised peace.
You promised peace.
I realized my own brokenness and found You still loved me.
I heard you calling me to seek forgiveness of others whom I have wronged.I found Emmanuel, God with us.
I heard you calling for me to forgive those who wrong me, even when they do not admit wrong. And I found freedom and peace.
You promised peace.
You promised peace.
I looked for the absence of conflict. I found shallow relationships and pent up emotions.
I looked for live and let live. I found disconnection.
You promised peace.
You promised peace.
I realized my own brokenness and found You still loved me.
I heard you calling me to seek forgiveness of others whom I have wronged.I found Emmanuel, God with us.
I heard you calling for me to forgive those who wrong me, even when they do not admit wrong. And I found freedom and peace.
You promised peace.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Forgiveness is a dish best served.....
I have been pondering the Lord's Prayer in Matthew.
Matthew 6:9-15 Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may your name be honored. 10 May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done here on earth, just as it is in heaven. 11 Give us our food for today, 12 and forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us. 13 And don't let us yield to temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. 14 "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
While I find many parts of this prayer to be challenging at times, forgiveness seems to be emphasized in this section of Scripture. How is it that God forgiving us is dependent upon us forgiving others?
The picture I have of unforgiveness is Marley from the Christmas Carol. He drudges through eternity tethered to all his wrongs. Unforgiveness tethers us to all our pains and all the wrongs done to us. We are held back in relationships, in trust, in our attitude, in our life by withholding forgiveness from others. Our pain, our recounting the wrongs done to us became walls between us and other people. It can become a weapon to hurt others before they can hurt us. Unforgiveness is a poison which infects us and those around us. And perhaps this is why God forgiving us depends on us forgiving others.
God's forgiveness is ever flowing. His mercy is new every morning. But when we are too busy dragging our hurts around with us, building walls around ourselves, and using our pain as an excuse or a weapon, we create a barrier from experiencing God's forgiveness. It is like God's forgiveness is a river and our unforgiveness is the sandbags to keep ourselves dry.
Perhaps we cannot experience God's forgiveness when we withhold forgivenss because forgiveness is best experienced in community. God chooses human beings to be the tangible conduit of forgiveness. When we withhold forgiveness, we keep others from experiencing God's pardon completely in their lives. Forgiveness is best served in community and best experienced in community.
Matthew 6:9-15 Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may your name be honored. 10 May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done here on earth, just as it is in heaven. 11 Give us our food for today, 12 and forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us. 13 And don't let us yield to temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. 14 "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
While I find many parts of this prayer to be challenging at times, forgiveness seems to be emphasized in this section of Scripture. How is it that God forgiving us is dependent upon us forgiving others?
The picture I have of unforgiveness is Marley from the Christmas Carol. He drudges through eternity tethered to all his wrongs. Unforgiveness tethers us to all our pains and all the wrongs done to us. We are held back in relationships, in trust, in our attitude, in our life by withholding forgiveness from others. Our pain, our recounting the wrongs done to us became walls between us and other people. It can become a weapon to hurt others before they can hurt us. Unforgiveness is a poison which infects us and those around us. And perhaps this is why God forgiving us depends on us forgiving others.
God's forgiveness is ever flowing. His mercy is new every morning. But when we are too busy dragging our hurts around with us, building walls around ourselves, and using our pain as an excuse or a weapon, we create a barrier from experiencing God's forgiveness. It is like God's forgiveness is a river and our unforgiveness is the sandbags to keep ourselves dry.
Perhaps we cannot experience God's forgiveness when we withhold forgivenss because forgiveness is best experienced in community. God chooses human beings to be the tangible conduit of forgiveness. When we withhold forgiveness, we keep others from experiencing God's pardon completely in their lives. Forgiveness is best served in community and best experienced in community.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Prayer for Japan and those touched by the Quake/Tsunami
Dear God,
Tonight I go to sleep in a house which will keep the weather out. I have food in my refrigerator. My water is drinkable. I go to sleep not fearing the ground will move underneath me. I do not fear the water will sweep me or my loved ones away. But my brothers and sisters in Japan do not have safe structures to sleep in, food in their refrigerators, drinkable water. And their world is shaking, a lot. So I pray, Lord, have mercy. I cannot do much to ease their suffering. I cannot offer them a place to sleep in peace. So I pray, Lord, have mercy on the people of Japan. May aid get to them quickly. May peace once again come to their land. And may your people share love and grace as they bring food, clothing, and other aid.
Amen.
Tonight I go to sleep in a house which will keep the weather out. I have food in my refrigerator. My water is drinkable. I go to sleep not fearing the ground will move underneath me. I do not fear the water will sweep me or my loved ones away. But my brothers and sisters in Japan do not have safe structures to sleep in, food in their refrigerators, drinkable water. And their world is shaking, a lot. So I pray, Lord, have mercy. I cannot do much to ease their suffering. I cannot offer them a place to sleep in peace. So I pray, Lord, have mercy on the people of Japan. May aid get to them quickly. May peace once again come to their land. And may your people share love and grace as they bring food, clothing, and other aid.
Amen.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Living in Uncertainty
I am living in uncertainty. Living in the in between, once again. I am learning to find God in the midst of uncertainty, which is somewhat odd. In the churches I grew up in, we were told to be certain. Certain about the existence of God, certain that Scripture--word for word--is to be taken literally. Certain about what is a sin and what is holy. And so the picture I painted of a good Christian was one who lived in certainty. Any doubt showed weakness, any uncertainty showed a lack of faith.
But here I am, once again, in the midst of uncertainty. This is a place I am getting to know better as I get to know God and myself better. Seminary solidified my relationship with uncertainty. Here I go throwing myself at the mercy of God. Where you lead me I will go! But God is not one who gives us the full picture all at once. God is not one who gives us the answers and reasons all at once. And as I study Scripture, I seem to come up with more questions than answers.
I am living in uncertainty. It use to throw me into anxiety. But now it throws me into the arms of God. Perhaps this is where I need to be, simply trusting God, not the certainty of my situation. I am living in uncertainty and, you know, it is ok.
But here I am, once again, in the midst of uncertainty. This is a place I am getting to know better as I get to know God and myself better. Seminary solidified my relationship with uncertainty. Here I go throwing myself at the mercy of God. Where you lead me I will go! But God is not one who gives us the full picture all at once. God is not one who gives us the answers and reasons all at once. And as I study Scripture, I seem to come up with more questions than answers.
I am living in uncertainty. It use to throw me into anxiety. But now it throws me into the arms of God. Perhaps this is where I need to be, simply trusting God, not the certainty of my situation. I am living in uncertainty and, you know, it is ok.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Into Your Hands
So I have submitted my work for ordination. And the words of Scripture that come to my mind are the words of Christ on the Cross, "Into your hands I commend my spirit." I wonder if, in a very small way, I am understanding those words a new. As Jesus said those words, was he saying, "Father, I have been obedient. I have proclaimed your kingdom, I have healed the sick, set the captives free, and when they turned on me I remained peaceful. I trust you to do what you said you will do." In his heart, did Christ say "but if I perish, still will I praise you"?
That is at least what I feel like I am saying today. God, I have been obedient. I have followed you this far. And now, I commend my life to you. I trust you are calling me. And whatever the outcome, I will praise you.
That is at least what I feel like I am saying today. God, I have been obedient. I have followed you this far. And now, I commend my life to you. I trust you are calling me. And whatever the outcome, I will praise you.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?
I heard a song on the radio the other day. "Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?" We have all experienced the explosion of an emotional bomb and perhaps we have been the emotional bomb. Someone you may or may not know melts down, explodes. Shrapnel goes everywhere, leaving people bleeding in the wake.
"Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?" I think we are human. We are all broken and hurt. And sometimes we explode, melt down and hurt others unintentionally. And sometimes we use the explosion intentionally. We leave people confused and uncomfortable at the very least and we leave others emotionally scarred.
Today, an emotional bomb went off next to me. And so while I want to ask who does this person think they are, I remember I have also been the one exploding. And the one who exploded, well, they are obviously in a lot of pain. They needed a place to explode, to let out that pain.
"Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?" I think we are human. We are all broken and hurt. And sometimes we explode, melt down and hurt others unintentionally. And sometimes we use the explosion intentionally. We leave people confused and uncomfortable at the very least and we leave others emotionally scarred.
Today, an emotional bomb went off next to me. And so while I want to ask who does this person think they are, I remember I have also been the one exploding. And the one who exploded, well, they are obviously in a lot of pain. They needed a place to explode, to let out that pain.
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